Annika's a Teen!

At the end of January our Annika Mae officially became a teen! Becoming a teenager is a big deal for anyone. When you've had a heart transplant, birthdays feel like an even bigger deal. In some ways it seems like I should be wax poetic and share deep insight. But the reality is that I'm tired and foggy-brained. So instead, let me borrow beauty from Camilo's Story. Camilo was born the day after Annika and transplanted several months after she was. Even though I've never met this family, I still feel a deep connection.

Here's what Camilo's mother posted to Facebook on January 30th:

"This birthday means everything.

Today, Camilo turns 13.

A teenager.

And his first birthday with his new heart.

There are moments in life that feel heavy and holy at the same time. This is one of them.

Last year, we were praying for time. For strength. For miracles we didn’t know how to name yet. Today, we’re standing in gratitude, awe, and a kind of joy that still catches in our throat because it came through so much fear.

Watching Camilo step into his teenage years feels surreal. We see more than a birthday candle moment. We see hospital rooms, sleepless nights, whispered prayers, brave smiles, and a child who endured more than most adults ever will. We see resilience etched into his story. We see how deeply life can be changed in an instant.

This new heart beats inside Camilo who has always had the biggest heart of all.

To the donor and their family: there are no words big enough. Your unimaginable loss gave our son continued birthdays. Because of your courage and generosity, we get to watch him grow, laugh, argue like a teenager, dream, and live. We carry you with us every single day, with reverence, gratitude, and love that will never fade.

Camilo, You are a miracle in motion, and we are endlessly proud of you. Thirteen looks strong on you. 

Happy Birthday, our brave boy. 

Your life is the greatest gift."

"There are moments in life that feel heavy and holy at the same time." Oh, how this resonates in my soul. I am grateful to Camilo's Mom for her courage and eloquence in sharing his story. Sometimes I read her posts and think, This. THIS is what my heart longed to express but just couldn't articulate.

And yet as much as we share with Camilo and his family, contrasting Camilo's journey with Annika's makes the normalcy of our current lives stand out in stark relief. It may sound weird to those on the outside, but Annika's transplant journey has been remarkably "easy" and uncomplicated. Unlike those with CHD (congenital heart disorders), Annika has not had to endure multiple open heart surgeries leading up to transplant. She did not wait long for a heart. Aside from a major scare a few days post-transplant, her recovery was uncomplicated and she was discharged two weeks later. Even more significantly, she was able to come home post-discharge, unlike the very many who live far from their transplant center and must live in a hotel for months. As far as I can tell, Camilo still has not been able to return to his actual home and is living in a hotel room close to Stanford. Even though their transplants occurred just a couple months apart, this was Annika's second birthday with her new heart and life felt pretty typical. We certainly celebrated and did our best to make it fun, but mostly it was a birthday per usual.

Naturally there were presents. (Thank you for the cute shirt, Grandma Susie!) This year Annika's big gift was a music player so she can listen to her favorite K-Pop band, Stray Kids.

We savored Papa Pancakes a day early.

On Annika's actual birthday we ate breakfast in the hospital because she had a lab draw in the morning. Nothing like breakfast quiche and grapefruit gelato to celebrate being a teen!

That evening we took Annika and two friends out to eat at Chic-Fil-A before going swimming at the rec center.

NomiAnn and Papa Kay joined us. Here's Annika's friend admiring the wolf sweatshirt that NomiAnn made.

I tried to make a wolf cake, but it kind of flopped--literally, I turned the deep divot into a pool of water for the wolves to drink.

Watching Annika swim, Jason and I both got get teary-eyed. This was her first time being back in the water since transplant. She's so much stronger now!  I no longer worry about her heart stopping in the pool. I hope Annika is always proud of her scars and the strength they represent.

The following day Annika invited Ruby and Eila over for a sleepover.

Zion joined in the celebration as well.

I foolishly threw away the birthday candles so we used matches as a substitute. It seemed appropriate given Annika's recent fixation with lighting them.

So what other things is Annika interested in? This girl loves to draw. At any given moment, you are likely to find her with a pencil in hand. As might be expected, she much prefers drawing animals to people. Her artwork is beautiful! So emotive and unique. These are just a few drawings that I discovered lying around.

There's definitely a Keeper of the Lost Cities theme with this one. I adore Annika's unique perspective. While doodling during church, she wadded up her drawing of an entire winged unicorn and quickly penciled this intriguing viewpoint instead.

And just for the record, she occasionally draws people too. So much sorrow coupled with strength.

Annika also loves playing Backgammon with her grandpa. These two have a special bond, fortified by teasing about Steven.

As a teen, Annika's style has changed a bit. She definitely prefers black to pink these days. She also told us that she doesn't want to be called Annie anymore. Indeed, she would prefer that we call her Wynter and often goes by Wynter at school. But Annika's name has special meaning and we prefer to honor it at home. Even though middle school is challenging, Annika is making new friends and working hard. After years of struggling to run, PE is now her favorite subject. She is excelling in her school musical, Moana Jr. and makes a delightful kakamora. She's also loves Dungeons and Dragons and is a fantastic skier. She still adores wolves and will advocate for them to everyone she meets. As always, she loves playing with her cousins and spending time outdoors. Her smiles and hugs are the highlight of my day. Annika Mae, we love you and are so glad you are part of our family! 

***

P.S. While Jason and I think about her heart transplant all the time, Annika doesn't seem to identify as a heart warrior in the same way. She rarely talks about it and says that she doesn't think much about it except for when her scar itches. I absolutely love that she does not allow her heart transplant to define or limit her. But in celebrating Annika's birthday, we recognize that we could not reach this milestone without the extraordinary gift of organ donation. To Annika's donor family, thank you for giving us another beautiful year with our daughter. We honor, love and remember you, this day and always.