Friday, May 26, 2017

Dreaming Wide

Marathon Day was splendid.  It was a great race with even greater company.  I can't wait to tell you all about it.  In the meantime, here are some personal reflections from my journal.

Saturday I ran the Ogden marathon.  It was fantastic.  Beautiful and empowering.  It was also a bit of an eye opening experience.  I realized that despite this niggling that maybe, just maybe, I could eventually qualify for Boston with a little more effort (after all, I cut twelve minutes off my time between my first and second marathons), that’s not realistically going to happen.  Instead of cutting another twelve minutes, I added twenty-five.  And that’s just fine.

I’m not saying that I could never qualify for Boston.  However, I do believe that given my height and natural ability, achieving a Boston qualifying time would require an immense amount of training and all of my focus.  In a moment of clarity, I had a very enlightening revelation—it’s not worth it.  When you marry into an extended family like mine, it’s easy to feel pressured to try and qualify because, hey, everybody’s doing it.  Just as I felt liberated during the marathon by the realization that I don’t have to run every step, I don’t have to qualify for Boston—and I am not the slightest bit diminished by this choice.

I feel this lovely sense of excitement and anticipation as I ponder all the interests and talents I might develop besides marathon running.  With Boston off the list, what new goals can I set?  Brooklyn would love to do a triathlon.  I am so excited to train with her!  Talia is likewise eager for another half marathon—fun!   Salt Lake has so many beautiful trails to hike and explore.  Let’s backpack!  Wouldn’t it be great to give mountain biking a go?  Or if I want to stick with running, how about some trails?  There is an ice skating rink just up the street, and the local rec center offers log rolling classes. 

On a different note, I’d love to pick up the guitar alongside Brooklyn and spend some more time playing piano.  I’d like to spend some quality time with Eli on the violin, plus there’s a french horn in my closet just gathering dust.  It would take an awful lot of courage, but what if I pulled it out?  After all, there was a long period in my life when horn was a crucial part of my personal identity. 

On the domestic front, I have a hankering to learn how to knit and crochet so that I can share the experience with Talia.  Flowers make me happy, so I’d like to plant a garden and overcome my fear that any plant I touch will die.  Tomatoes?  Salsa.  Basil?  Pesto.  Such possibilities!   (Speaking of which, I have strawberries in the fridge that are just waiting to be made into jam.)

Professionally, I am eager (and nervous) to jump back into teaching.  I miss my students from all over the world.  I also long to contribute to our family income.   Or what if I went out on a limb completely and returned to school for a nursing degree, as I’ve talked about for years.

Without the pressure to run faster, I feel free to dream wider.  And oh, what lovely grand dreams!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

A relevant excerpt from a note I wrote to you (Kara) before your LDS mission:

" ... as our first born, Kara … to us you were as new, and non-routine, and special, and singular, and captivating as any baby who has ever been born on this earth. The wonderful aspect of this is that although I was blessed to really love you from before the day you were born, my love and admiration for your best self has steadily grown ever since. So, it is without reservation that I humbly and sincerely say that you have consistently met or exceeded my fondest and noblest dreams and unspoken expectations.… (I hope you recognize that this admission from a no-nonsense, demanding, cantankerous law professor type Dad is really a compliment).

In order to avoid placing you in an unfair, pressured, or comparative position, I’ve attempted to keep these expectations and thoughts private. However, I suspect you always knew that I expect you to do and be your best. I merely wish for you to be happy and live a life of usefulness and service…"

If it helps, I still feel the same way about you and your dreams in 2017. Thanks for a thoughtful post -- you made me cry, a good and thankful cry. Keep Smiling!