March 11, 2013
I’ve decided to switch to journaling for a bit because I feel rather flummoxed when it comes to blogging. (What do you think of my new word? I discovered it in the thesaurus while searching for the word I’m really thinking of, which I still can’t find, leaving me stumped, confused, bewildered, bemused, puzzled, perplexed, mystified, and baffled: flummoxed.)
Ah, writer’s block. I think that’s the concept I was going for, although the term brain dead kept coming to mind. Quite appropriate for one whose brain won’t work, don’t you think?
Yes, I have blogger’s block. In the past, regardless of whether or not I actually posted, I’ve almost always had ideas about what to blog on. Finding the time to transform these thoughts into coherent posts was difficult, but if I didn’t blog, it certainly wasn’t because I had nothing to say.
This time, however, is different. My mind feels, well, empty. Tired, yes, and empty. Even if I find a moment to sit down at the computer, life seems dull and I draw a blank. I’m sure that on some basic level, this has everything to do with Jason being gone. I think it’s hard to numb your heart without closing off the rest of you as well. Overall we’re doing fine, but I’ve somehow got to get past the mindset of merely surviving and start living. Surely there must be some larger purpose for the next six months than simply enduring.
In the six weeks that have passed since then, I've done a lot of growing. I've learned how to start the lawnmower, purchased sprinkler parts, and attacked wasp nests. I've mastered the take-out menu, survived church, and put all the kids to bed for weeks on end. (Well, okay, sometimes the kids put me to bed, but somehow we all end up getting some shut-eye anyway.)
I've become more courageous in venturing out with the troops in tow. We've enjoyed lazy evenings at the park, picnics by the pond, sunny play at the sand dunes, even creative sidewalk chalk art at the street festival. We've learned that even though we miss Daddy desperately, we don't have to stay home and mope because he's gone. Time passes more quickly when we still enjoy the miracles of springtime.
This past weekend, however, we had the best of both worlds--gorgeous St. George weather with Jason home to share in the joy. Here are some photos of our lovely days together.
Hiking in Snow Canyon: Even though we venture up to Snow Canyon often, I'm always amazed by the new treasures we discover in this gem of a park. On this trip, we explored the lava tubes for the first time. Below we have an assortment of photos of Jason with his baby girl. I couldn't decide which one I liked best. :)
|And here's Jason with all his girls.|
|At the entrance to the lava tubes.|
|The texture of the volcanic rock is pretty incredible.|
|Hiking in with Eli.|
|And heading home.|
The Forever Green Fashion Show:
Eager to squeeze in as much fun as possible in as little time as possible, we immediately headed over to the Forever Green Fashion Show being hosted by the Girl Scouts. The girls had a lot of fun strutting around, even if we didn't have time to locate a hairbrush.
|Here's Talia trying to get suited up as the "Paperbox Princess."|
|In the end, she needed a little help from Mom.|
|Talia, all ready to go. If you look in the background, you'll notice Eli dressed in his space helmet made from a movie theater popcorn container.|
|Thanks to a little help from our hot glue gun, we were able to add the finishing touches to Brooklyn's "Right on Target" design while waiting for the fashion show to begin.|
|Ta da! If you're ever short on bling, recycled CDs will add sparkle to any occasion.|
Saturday was the perfect day for cooling off at the downtown splash pad.
|Eli shows off his super-hero powers (and backwards swim trunks.)|
|Talia, looking surprisingly serene.|
|That's more like it, Tally Wally Doodle all the day.|
|Brooklyn loved to capture the splash in the center.|
|Even Eli enjoyed the wet 'n wild fun.|
|Meanwhile, Jason and Annika caught a little snooze.|
|Catching up on lost time.|
|Talia agreed that it was the perfect day!|
The Kite Festival:
As if we hadn't already had enough fun, we then headed to the Kite Festival sponsored by our school district. All of the elementary school students earn kites or books for participating in a reading program. Here's Talia choosing her kite.
Jason helps assemble the flying fairy.
In past years, kite flying has been difficult because of the lack of wind.
This year the weather was perfect.
Brooklyn flies her kite as well.
Help! I'm being attacked!
It made my heart happy to have our whole family reunited once more.
Add in a thirteen mile trail race, an elegant dinner date at the Riverwalk grill, some home repairs and church, and it makes for an extremely busy, fun-packed weekend. Lovely as it was, the time passed far too quickly. Before we knew it, the kids and I were standing on the observation deck of the St. George airport, waving goodbye to the speck of an airplane in the sky. I shed a few silent tears, just like the first time we parted ways, then pulled myself together and promised to make the best of things until the next time we are together again.
Thanks for coming, PB. We love you!