The procedure went as well as we could have hoped. Through the scope they were able to visualize the problem and do some things to correct it. Right below her vocal folds there was a glob of granulation tissue, coupled with a posterior glottic scar. This scar was preventing her vocal folds from opening all the way, which explains why it sounded like she was breathing through a straw. Our ENT Dr. Park successfully removed the granulation and cut through the scar to open the vocal folds. He then performed a balloon dilation twice to help open up the airway. It's only been 8 hours since her procedure, yet she is already breathing SO MUCH BETTER. We will need to come back in a month so they can do another scope and take another look. If the scar tissue has reformed, they may need to repeat the procedure. Still, we feel extremely hopeful and grateful.
As good as all of this news is, walking the halls of the ICU has been very triggering. For the most part, I'm able to come back to Primary Children's without panicking, but this section of the hospital is different. There is so much fear and anguish bottled up behind the double doors. It's strange to walk past the room where she once clung to life on ECMO. Watching her play Minecraft and eat sushi, you'd hardly believe it's the same child. Still, it's been a bit of an emotional roller coaster.
The hardest emotions, however, arrived in a text from Adam. "Today was the day we needed to say goodbye to Zoe. After not being able to stand up this morning, the doctor confirmed her heart was starting to fail. She had a peaceful goodbye with all the love Callie and I could give her."
As much as I wanted to hold it in, I just started to bawl. We love Zoe so much. Even though at sixteen years old, we knew this day would come, I wasn't ready. I'm sure the surgeon must have been confused as he spotted me weeping down the hall, having just delivered the news that the procedure went well. I felt a bit apologetic about my tear-stained face as I cried over a dog that wasn't even my own, but as Callie once explained, Fur is Family.
I feel at a loss of words right now, so I'll just share the sentiments my Dad posted to the family text chain.
Dear Family,
I feel a real loss as well. Zoe was an exceptionally loving, loyal, and faithful dog. I can see her in my mind's eye, glancing back at me, hoping I would take off her leash 4 houses away from home after walking her around the block. She would then run free, at top speed, and wait anxiously at the inside garage door. Once the door was cracked open, she would quickly move to her food bowl in the laundry room. ... A dainty eater she was not. ... She loved to cuddle, and bark at the lawn mower. She would cock her head sidewise when I looked her in the eye. I really think she understood much of what I said. She always did her best to acknowledge other dogs and love all people. She traveled well on our road trips, and to the dog parks too.
She was not only "best of show" but also the "best of breed." Not just a good dog -- a great dog. She brought out the best in her family, and set a kind, uncomplaining, loving example.
I love her. She matters. She was a friend. I feel like she tried to teach me quiet patience and consistency -- in robust health and also as she slowed down due to her age. May God continue to bless us all with fond memories of Zoe's fine example. She taught us a lot. Bye-bye for now dear Zoe.
I feel a real loss as well. Zoe was an exceptionally loving, loyal, and faithful dog. I can see her in my mind's eye, glancing back at me, hoping I would take off her leash 4 houses away from home after walking her around the block. She would then run free, at top speed, and wait anxiously at the inside garage door. Once the door was cracked open, she would quickly move to her food bowl in the laundry room. ... A dainty eater she was not. ... She loved to cuddle, and bark at the lawn mower. She would cock her head sidewise when I looked her in the eye. I really think she understood much of what I said. She always did her best to acknowledge other dogs and love all people. She traveled well on our road trips, and to the dog parks too.
She was not only "best of show" but also the "best of breed." Not just a good dog -- a great dog. She brought out the best in her family, and set a kind, uncomplaining, loving example.
I love her. She matters. She was a friend. I feel like she tried to teach me quiet patience and consistency -- in robust health and also as she slowed down due to her age. May God continue to bless us all with fond memories of Zoe's fine example. She taught us a lot. Bye-bye for now dear Zoe.
Zoe, I'll never forget the day we brought you home. You were the cutest thing...
...from the first to the last.
Sleep well, friend. We love you.
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