My days look quite different these days. About two weeks ago I went back to school, registering for 17 credits at Salt Lake Community College. My goal is to knock off some of the pre-requisites to apply for the nursing program at the University of Utah. Always one to save a penny, it costs the same for 17 credits as 12: hence the heavy course load.
"School" is completely online, with most of my classes having a virtual lecture component. I have classes Monday through Thursday, roughly during the same hours Brooklyn and Talia are in online classes. I'm taking Biology 1610 plus lab, Statistics, Human Development, Nutrition, and Anatomy with its accompanying lab. In some ways, being online is a bit easier to manage. I can save on travel time and multi-task, whether by folding laundry beneath the desk or turning off the camera while I get beds made or vegetables peeled for dinner. On the other hand, there's a pretty steep learning curve if you are unfamiliar with the intricacies of Canvas, Proctorio, ePortfolios, CamScanner, WebEx, Quizlet, etc. Even if I weren't learning course content, it might be worth the tuition just for the crash course with all of these tools. When I get too stumped, I'm fortunate to have my own private tutors--aka, my daughters. Of course I would prefer to be in-person, but all in all I think most of the professors are doing a pretty decent job. By this point, they've had a lot of practice delivering their content online and are fairly proficient with the technology as well.
Some take-home thoughts:
1. I really like being in school. I find it rewarding to be setting aside dedicated time and resources just for the pursuit of new knowledge. Because my courses are all STEM related, there's a fair amount of cross-over. I like finding those connections and figuring out how the protein we talk about in nutrition connects with the protein we are discussing in biology versus the protein referenced in anatomy.
2. I enjoy real-world connections as well. Looking at slides of dense regular connective tissue yesterday, I could really see why tendons rupture so easily and take so long to heal. All of the fibers run up and down, providing lots of strength one direction, but if you get hit from the side they snap. Also, they are completely avascular (no blood vessels) and tightly packed, so regeneration is nearly impossible. Take care of your knees everyone! (I'm speaking mostly to my own family. I feel a bit nervous every time we hit the ski slopes.)
Or, how about essential oils? With apologies to my essential oil-loving family and friends, on a molecular level essential oils don't break down into fatty acids, the small lipophilic molecules that can pass through cellular membranes. Instead, they are primarily large hydrocarbons which won't penetrate the skin. So while there's a real place for aromatherapy (my lavendar-scented cleaner makes me happy every time I squirt the counters), you should likely be skeptical of claims that oils get deep into your body.
In contrast, yesterday I learned about Voltaren, a topical equivalent of ibuprofen that is available over the counter. It's low molecular weight and lipophilia allows it to be absorbed through the skin. I immediately thought of my father and wondered if this could help with his arthritis. Apparently this "brilliant" idea is old news because when I googled it, I discovered it being advertised as Arthritis Pain Relief.
Anyway, enough nerdiness. The point is I like having a dedicated space in my life where I can be nerdy.
3. Old brains can still learn. To be truthful, in going back to school I felt nervous about my capacity to retain information the way that it used to. After all, without my calendar I forget appointments, and I say the wrong word all the time. I used to be better at recalling names and places. How would I handle anatomy? For a person who used to be labeled as "smart," I harbored a real fear that I was too dumb to pull this off.
Fortunately, I've discovered that I'm still quite capable of memorization, particularly when I give the subject my complete focus. I think my day to day memory lapses stem from juggling too much; my mind isn't focused. I say the wrong word because my brain has moved on to two dozen other pressing matters. If I don't recall names and places, it's because my RAM is crammed with all the names and places that are currently essential. And as for forgetting appointments, with as many commitments as we have, perhaps it's surprising that I don't forget more.
4. My snobbish prejudices against community college were wrong. As a teen, I wouldn't have dreamed of going to community college. My aspirations were much, much higher. I perceived community college as the place you went if you couldn't cut it at a university. This prejudice was ugly, for at its root was an underlying notion that I was better.
I was wrong. I apologize. While my vision matured with adulthood, I still harbored some notions that community college might be "easy" with a student population that is less academically minded.
Once again, I was wrong. I apologize. While I can't speak for all of SLCC, most of the courses I am taking are rigorous. Acceptance into the nursing program at both SLCC and the U of U is competitive, and students are taking their classes seriously. With the exception of one course, the teaching quality has been excellent. And as for the student body, yes, it is different. It is richer for its diversity. Most name-brand schools look at diversity in terms of race and culture. At SLCC, I'm noticing that this diversity is far more encompassing, reaching those with a far greater range of life experiences. There are older returning students like myself, young parents, single parents, and many who are juggling school with full-time work. In fact, the average SLCC student works 30 hours a week. While my classmates are academically minded, they bring much more to the table than school. A community college strives to understand and accommodate this wide range of circumstances, and in my opinion that's a good thing.
5. This is gonna take a ton of time. Even in classes where the content doesn't seem that challenging yet, such as statistics, the online flipped format requires a substantial time commitment, with tons of videos that have to be watched before each class. Others, ahem, anatomy, simply require lots of hours to absorb the content. The instructors report that those receiving A's in anatomy study for 20-25 hours a week for that class alone.
6. In line with the last comment, organization will be essential. I'm certainly in over my head, so the only way I'm going to succeed is by swimming hard--and that means getting *really* organized. I've heard my kids talk about how challenging it is to keep track of all the due dates on Canvas, and they are right! When I went to school, it was easy. You knew you had to have that paper ready to put on the teacher's desk by the next class.
It's a completely different world now. Biology labs are due on Friday. For statistics, assignments have to be in MW by 10pm. Anatomy gives you until Sunday at midnight. You get the idea. The hardest part is that since everything is being submitted on Canvas, there is absolutely no flexibility for late work. The difference between 11:59 and 12:01 is the difference between full credit and none.
So if your kids are online and struggling to get organized with their coursework, have compassion! It really is challenging. As for myself, I'm hoping to redefine myself as a student with organization as my mantra instead of the procrastination that defined me in the past.
7. One final thought about the past: as a Freshman at BYU, I did myself a real disservice by registering for the wrong courses. I came in as a pre-med student and knew I needed to take Biology 130, but the class was full. So I registered for Biol 100H instead, somehow thinking that the Honors would compensate for the wrong course. I should have taken Chem 105, but when that class was full, I registered for Chem 111H. When I got a poor grade in this class that was above my head, I immediately gave up and dropped out of the program. (By the way, I could have done fine in Chem 111 with decent study habits, but that's another story.)
In retrospect, I wish I'd been more persistent. I wish I'd known to advocate for myself and the courses I needed. By the end of my BYU education, I understood that if you wanted a class and it was full, you went the first day and kept attending. Invariably someone would drop and the professor would let you in. If I'd done so, I'd have two fewer nursing prerequisites to fulfill. Who knows? If I'd done so, perhaps I'd be a doctor.
I don't regret the trajectory of my education. My background in the humanities helped me become a stronger writer and thinker. I loved the chance to delve into international development, music, and languages. I'm grateful for the opportunities I've had to teach here and overseas while focusing on my family.
Still, I've always had this underlying sense of failure for giving up on medicine so soon. In going back to school, I hope to rewrite this story. While I don't fully know what I want to do (right now I'm thinking midwifery), I do know that I'm excited to find a career with room for growth. I'm excited for a career where my languages will be needed, as well as a career that is physically active. Most of all, I'm excited to help people. Nurses have such an important impact in people's lives at the moments when they are most vulnerable. I want to be there.
In some ways, this post is a personal pep talk. I don't feel particularly confident in the end destination yet. I kind of feel like that part of the picture hasn't fully emerged. However, I do feel like I'm heading in the right direction. I know that I want a career of my own for when the kids leave the house. I predict that Jason will work well past retirement age, and I will not be happy waiting for him at home. If nothing else, I'm glad to be showing my kids that it's okay to go back to school and pursue a career, even later in life.
