Saturday, January 17, 2009

Miracle Margarine

It's amazing how much you can learn by examining the keywords that a person googles over the course of a day.

Our recent searches:

- Plane Crash in Hudson (We're finally catching up on current events)
- Latitude of Lyon, France (Always nice to know where you are--45.7 degrees north as opposed to 40.0 in Illinois.)
- Superglue in Child's Mouth

So, the last one probably needs a bit of explaining. I was doing the dishes and Talia was playing about ten feet away from me. All of a sudden I heard her blowing raspberries and saying "yucky," "yucky."

Parenting lesson, number 101. Unless it's mealtime, it's never a good sign when your child starts blowing raspberries and saying "yucky."

I turned around and saw Talia holding an open tube of Superglue. In less than two minutes she had managed to pull a chair up to the counter, climb up on it, empty out a jar of pens and other knickknacks, fish the Superglue out of the very bottom, unscrew it with her teeth, and get Superglue all over her tongue and fingers in the process.

Fighting the urge to panic, I evaluated the situation. Fortunately, despite the crusty Superglue remains on her fingertips and mouth, nothing was fused together. Talia seemed slightly perplexed by the strange taste and odd sensation, but otherwise, she was completely unfazed.

I then summoned my most reliable babysitter, DVD, to keep Talia from causing any new disasters while I got online to figure out what to do. It's amazing how over the course of a decade, the Internet has gone from being an oddity to an indispensable resource, the fathomless fount of solutions to even the oddest predicaments. I still remember the first time I used the Internet back as a sophomore in high school: it took "Gopher" five minutes just to load a chicken soup recipe.

Fortunately, in less than a second, Google gave me what I was looking for--"How to Remove Superglue from the Mouth: Case Report." Apparently some ER doctors at the Bradford Royal Infirmary had the same perplexing question after a two year-old in England likewise bit down on tube of Superglue. They discovered that high molecular-weight oils, such as those found in kerosene, loosen the glue. However, sticking kerosene in a toddler's mouth seemed unwise. Luckily, margarine apparently is also a good source of these heavy oils. And so, I followed the same course of treatment as these wise medical blokes and gave Talia a spoonful of margarine to suck on. Ta Da! The miracle cure.

While Jason may prefer butter, I intend to keep at least a little margarine on hand for as long as I have both children and superglue. After all, you never know when it may come in handy!

11 comments:

Jason said...

Ah Ha! And now we know why I prefer butter... I mean, who wants to eat a slice of bread with something that shares the same chemical properties as Kerosene spread all over it?

With that said, I must admit I am glad there was some margarine on hand for emergency purposes. Which makes me wonder; does Aunt Brianna keep any margarine in her magic purse?

Tanja said...

We had breakfast at the seminary/Seminar today and I brought margarine. While I watch the other students spreading margarine on their rolls I was contemplation if I tell them about Jason comment - that margarine shares the same chemical properties as Kerosene spread ... but luckily they started talking about the nasty breakfast talks of pupils at Klassenfahrten (class outings for several days at some youth hostel)... and this was enough of a hunger-killer? / appetite-killer by it self. Luckily I already started to pay 50 cents more for real Italian margarine and believe that I will also get 50 cent more good nutritions. I guess it is a make-believe. :)

Tanja said...

not contemplation - contemplating / thinking of

Susie said...

I seem to remember one of my kids doing the same thing? Lips were well stuck together! Hmm...was it Jason?

Justin said...

Aunty B actually has butter, margarine, AND "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter Spray" in her magical purse of goodness. That way she is prepared for any superglue accidents, lonely toast, OR poorly seasoned broccol she may encounter.

Jackie said...

I'm with Jason, I go for the butter although I think you've convinced me to pick up some margarine the next time I'm out shopping.

Bruce Richards said...

That's why Jason is my buddy.

Mandi said...

Now I know why margarine iritates my stomach so much, although I guess with Sam and all his curiosity I might need to go buy some...

Tanja said...

Thank you so much for this blog. I had to use the tip today. I wanted to fix my camera with Sekundenkleber - super clue and got the clue all over my fingertips. I went to the fridge and put margarine on them ... but I guess I really payed to much for the margarine ... it didn't came off completely or maybe the clue was too strong. Maybe you should apply for a patent "Margarine removes clue-accidents". Have a great day.

chou said...

Ben read this to me over breakfast and I laughed until my stomach hurt. How can she be such a wiz at trouble? Amazing!!! You are a fabulous mom.

Megan Ficek said...

I love that this blog is both entertaining AND educational.