December 7th: I'll try to keep the play-by-play of these hospital days a bit shorter. Remember those snow flakes? They looked great hung on the doors and suspended from the curtains.
Eila came to play. As she was leaving, we got rebellious and walked out to the parking garage to say goodbye. A moment of freedom!
Gingerbread making! Annika likes eating the frosting as much as she likes decorating.
That night our van ran out of battery so I drove up the bench on the way home to give the car more time to recharge. What a cool view of Salt Lake shrouded in clouds!
December 8th
Only at Primary Children's do you attend church in pajamas and leave with a cute new stuffie.
Speaking of stuffies, check out this beautiful wolf that our friends the Van Dams sent. Perfect for our wolf-obsessed gal
Meet Benny, the wolf's ferocious cousin. Pet therapy is the best (with massage therapy taking a close second.)
Oh wait, I forgot. Music therapy is pretty fantastic as well. Here's Annika playing the drums in Sophie's Place.
Did I mention that Sophie's Place has one of Taylor Swift's autographed guitars? Inspiration, indeed. On Christmas Eve, we actually met Sophie's family when they came to carol in honor of their daughter.
A lovely hospital visit from our friends Bob and Glorianna. They brought a beautiful live tree and Christmas ornaments made by Annika's Primary Activity Days class. Glorianna's sister Charity sang opera professionally after a lung transplant, so Glorianna definitely understands hospital life. Charity's memoir, The Encore, is a fantastic read if you ever want to learn more.
While waiting in the hospital, Jason and I tried to get outside and walk the foothills occasionally. Getting outside and into nature always helps me feel that God is near and aware.
Our home away from home.
December 9th
Annika visited the gift shop to drool over the Wicked Lego set that she hoped Santa would bring.
Sushi for lunch.
Pet therapy with our favorite vizsla, Thor.
O Jinglebug!
Wrapping up the day with some more glorious clouds.
Primary Children's location is perfect for accessing the foothills easily. Fifteen minutes walk and you are fully in nature.
December 10th
A twelve hour Labor and Delivery shift for me, so not too many photos. Evidence from Jason's phone suggests that Anders came to play. Yay!
Meanwhile, I took Talia and Eli to a work party at Millcreek Commons following my shift. They enjoyed the fancy meal and ice skating. Plus photos with Santa! (Santa looks like he could be the same age as they are.)
December 11th. Another work day for me, and boy was it a doozy. I felt grateful for the meditation room back at Primary's where I could sit and pray and process for a moment.
Back in the room, Annika was having fun playing Pony Girl with her Dad.
I saw the cool art she made in art therapy...
...and learned that her friend Dylan had come to visit.
Best of all, a visit from Julie helped wipe away some worries from the day.
December 12th
The dawning of a new day. Cricut hosted a big hospital event, but it was too crowded for those waiting for an organ transplant to safely attend, so they found out what Annika liked, made this bag, and delivered it to her.
We also got to listen to the Lower Lights perform. The women in my neighborhood have a tradition of attending their concert at Kingsbury Hall each year. Annika and I practically got a private performance!
In keeping with the Christmas Spirit, Uncle Lance sent the most amazing paper Christmas tree! It was just perfect for bringing more cheer into our hospital space.
Annika also decorated another gingerbread house along with Seacrest Studios. Seacrest studios is this fun in-house pediatric hospital TV network where kids all over the hospital can tune in and participate in shows and projects from their rooms. It's a great way to feel connected, even when you are kind of on your own.
Equally amazing was our trip to the School Zone. One of the teachers is a fellow dragon lover, so she gave Annika this incredible 3D printed dragon, Andarna. It is beautiful! While Annika is too young to read Fourth Wing, her personality reminds me of the dragon character Andarna--sparkly, bright, and surprisingly powerful despite her size.
A foxy friend from Austin's Mom. This pal smells delightfully like Lavender.
I know it's hard to imagine even more fun, but that evening we even got to attend a hospital screening of Moana 2 in the auditorium. I may have fallen asleep, but Annika liked it even better than the first.
That evening our friend Andrea came to the hospital to rescue Annika from the poor haircut I'd given her several weeks before. Thank you, Andrea!
And then, our world changed. While Andrea was still cutting Annika's hair, I received a phone call from Dr. Lal. As soon as I saw the Caller ID, I knew it was about a heart. Why else would the hospital call at 7:30 pm on a Thursday evening? The medical team didn't know exactly when this heart would be available, but thought it would be Friday evening or Saturday morning.
Answering the phone, I tried to keep my voice low and calm. Annika was distracted by the haircut, but Talia and Eli definitely recognized something was up. Not wanting to spring the news on Annika immediately, we tried to keep it quiet. When Jason arrived, we all headed to a private space in the Ronald McDonald Room so that we could talk, pray, and cry for a moment.
We'd planned to tell Annika the next morning, but perceptive as she is, she noticed the change in mood and asked us that evening if they'd found her a heart. She took the news really well. She naturally felt scared, but also excited. Still, it was a somber evening thinking about her and her donor and her donor's family.
That night I watched her telemetry monitor for a long time. It was the strangest thing knowing that this beautiful heart of hers would only beat for another day. Even though her heart was sick, it still felt hard to say good-bye. We loved "George," flaws and all. I am grateful for all the life and beautiful memories George gave our daughter. George was tough as nails; unique in all the world. George came back to life three times, forging on despite an imperfect physiology that kept trying to quit. From all of our hearts, thank you, George.
And thank you "Fred," the name Annika has given to her new, shared heart. I hope this name is respectful enough to honor her donor. Annika loves the twins Fred and George from Harry Potter so much. They are fun, mischievous, witty, courageous, and above all, kind--just like she is. They are brave and know the deepest of loss. One twin perishes and the other must carry on. As identical twins, it feels like Fred and George are forever entwined. Annika and her donor are inseparably connected as well. Annika's heart has passed while her donor's lives on. There is loss and life for both.
Fred and George. At first I thought the names were kind of silly, but now that I reflect on it, children are often the wisest of all. Annika's always had a knack with names. She looks at a new stuffed animal and just knows what it's name is. It's like she's greeting a long lost friend whose name was always there.
Which begs another question: what is the name of your heart? This peculiar question is actually a very insightful one that Annika started asking providers who came into her room. In giving something a name, you assign it importance and value. Have you ever really stopped to think about your heart? What would you name it, and why? An absurd question turns out to be rather profound. It leads us to gratitude for this amazing organ that keeps on beating, along with appreciation for the One who created us in the first place.
